Seeds of Hope: A Foster Parent's Story
A Special Guest Post by Jennifer Shore
Hey Readers!
This week, I am so excited to share a special guest post from Jennifer Shore. Jennifer is a foster mom who has generously opened her heart and home to children in need. On today’s A Busy Lady, Jennifer sheds light on the joys, challenges, and life-changing impact of being a foster parent. I am so honored to provide this platform for Jennifer to share her story. Please join me in welcoming Jennifer!
Sarah
AKA A Busy Lady
Seeds of Hope: A Foster Parent’s Story
By: Jennifer Shore
2023 was one of the wildest years of my life. I consider myself moderately successful. I got the job of my dreams, went to college, and bought a house all by the time I was twenty-one years old. I’ve completed a fair number of “bucket-list” items. But at thirty-four, I found it increasingly difficult to look to the future. My needs are met, I’m pretty content with what I have. So, do I just set auto-pilot from now until retirement? I’ve had a couple of great loves in my life, but being in a relationship most often left me feeling like my wings had been clipped. I always connected well with kids, but never saw myself as the type to be a mom. What’s next? Move to another country? Set out on some grand adventure?
I guess my mind always wandered back to the question, “Do I want to have kids?” Time is not unlimited - I need to be certain. The answer was never simple. Obviously, I’d need to select the father carefully, and that takes time. Selecting a donor was an option - I’ve seen several single moms be wildly successful at it. But that’s not something you do on a whim. And the biggest question, to me, was “do I have enough faith in humanity? Do I believe in this world enough to bring another person in to it?”
Well, Roe v Wade had just been overturned. I’m not going to pretend that I understand the full legal extent of that decision, but social media went wild. There were memes, reels, rants, and more. They all blended together, except for one stance. “Who is taking care of the children who are already here?” And yes, it seemed to me that, regardless of your stance, this was a totally valid question. Are these people pro-life? Or just pro-birth? People in this country have so many struggles. Poverty, homelessness, addiction, mental illness. The list goes on. What happens to their kids? What happens to their babies when they get pregnant? As I dug deeper, I thought, why is no one helping? How are we not doing more? And then the BIG question - “Why am I not doing more?”
Why wasn’t I doing more? Really, what was my excuse? Excuses weren’t hard to come up with. The foster kids could steal from me, run away, hurt me, hurt my dogs because they were angry at me. What if they damaged my property? Came in to my room at night holding a knife? Brought drugs in to my home, or sold drugs out of my home? Were these things totally absurd to consider? No, I don’t believe so. The media fills kids’ heads up with so much violence, entitlement, materialism and hatred. As I was forming my opinion on this, I flipped the narrative. The media has filled MY mind with violence and hatred. Foster care has never been depicted in a good light. It was unreasonable to think that all of these kids were the same. Plenty of kids from good families have stolen, tried drugs, and jumped out of a window in the middle of the night. The social media debate about Roe v Wade went on for months. And my mind just kept playing the list of questions in my mind over and over. Why wasn’t I doing more? What was my excuse?
Finally, I decided that I wasn’t going to learn any more from Google searches on my phone. By April, I got brave and finally entered my phone number to have someone from DCF contact me with more information. A very nice woman answered a few of my questions over the phone, but we decided it would be best for her to come over so that we could have a proper chat. I told her with complete honesty that I was totally on the fence. I thought I could help, but was worried for myself. She was never dismissive. She brought up some great points to consider. I would never be alone. Never be a “single parent.” DCF helps with a lot! Funding, transportation, clothing, setting them up with doctor’s appointments. If I didn’t want a teen, I didn’t have to take in a teen. If I didn’t want to take in a baby, they wouldn’t call me for babies, either. The ball was in my court. I could say no for any reason. That was what comforted me enough to take the next step - the classes.
The classes were exactly what I wanted - they offered more information. The classes were virtual three-hour live sessions, given over ten weeks. I told myself that if I learned something that I couldn’t live with, I’d just drop the whole thing. There was no downside to learning.
I think I remained undecided about my next move until about the third class. It was about then that I started telling friends and family that I was planning on becoming a foster parent. And let me say, the feedback was disheartening. I received very little support from my immediate family. In hindsight, I am sure they were just asking those same stereotyping questions that I had asked myself. I just knew better, because I was taking classes. And then, there are always the people who are against anything that deviates from the social norms. I actually received the most support from my coworkers. I wonder if I’m just blessed with fabulous coworkers, or if it’s that we’re all animal lovers who are all too familiar with rescue. It’s probably a bit of both. Having the support from my job was a major boost for me. Everyone knows that kids get sick, have snow days, and have other needs that can impact your work schedule. Knowing that my coworkers stood behind me was empowering, and that really boosted my work satisfaction!
By August, at last, I completed the ten classes. By then, I was dying to begin my foster care journey. I got myself fingerprinted, they ran my background check, and made sure my house didn’t have any major safety issues.
I stared at my phone for about four weeks. I called my family resource worker and sent emails. Where were all these kids in need? Finally, my phone rang. As I answered the call, I lectured myself, “if it’s a bad fit, say no. No is always an option.” My social worker told me she had a girl who needed a place to stay for the weekend. She was 16 years old, took AP high school classes and did varsity sports. I had told DCF I wanted a child from age 6-10. Sixteen wasn’t considered. But it was a good kid, just for a weekend. And I was eager to make a difference.
The first experience was an absolute success. She was such a sweet, soft-spoken girl. She stayed in her room and didn’t make a peep. She asked permission to use the microwave and take a shower. She was totally self-sufficient, and I didn’t feel any concern at all for myself. All I worried about was her comfort. Her recent trauma. Here she was, sleeping in a strange house, in a strange bed. Did I make too much noise? Could I run the dishwasher, or would that wake her up in the middle of the night? She needs more than one pair of socks, and what can I give her to sleep in?
And just like that, I was a foster mom. It wasn’t long after that I received a call about a 10-year-old girl who needed long-term placement. It sounded exactly like the right fit, but I wanted to be sure. Knowing the importance of sibling relationships, I asked, and found out that she had two younger brothers and a younger sister. But my social worker emphasized that it would be easy to find a placement for a five-year-old girl, but not so easy to place a 10-year-old. My heart broke to separate them, and next thing I knew, TWO tiny little blondies were in my driveway, each carrying a Wal-mart shopping bag with a couple of personal belongings each.
It’s been eight months with these two girls, and my heart is SO full. I never imagined that two little foster girls could be such perfect little people in every way that matters. I’ve learned so much about myself, and have a sense of purpose that I’ve never felt before. My time with them is short, and I hope to change the trajectory of their lives. I want to know them forever. I want to see their mom grow and succeed. I want to do right by that family.
Now, I can say that I’ve helped victims of domestic violence, addiction, and neglect. I’m not on auto-pilot anymore. I’m making a difference.
P.S. If you are interested in learning more about foster care, here are some great resources:
Social Media Resources or Try This One
You can also go to your local state foster care website.
P.P.S. Thanks to all those who voted on the next historic writer to be featured on A Busy Lady’s “The Write Life” - stay tuned to see which historic writer got the most votes!
P.P.P.S. Are you are a writer or know a writer or other creative who would like to be interviewed, provide a guest post, etc. let me know! I love empowering others through story. We’re in this together!
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nice job!
A beautiful, honest and loving story. I’m its had it challenges but i can tell Jennifer has met each one of them with respect for both the girls and the foster care system. I’ll keep Jennifer and the girls in my thoughts and prayers for wherever it goes from here and I wish them all the best. Have faith Jennifer and after reading your story, challenges and all you’re doing a great job !! Hang in there!