How do you let go of a grudge?
This Weeks Dear A Busy Lady Advice Column Shares How!
Hello!
Thanks for joining me here and being patient with my Substack. I’m a busy lady, after all!
This week I have a new Dear A Busy Lady question in my advice column posted below. Check it out! This question appeared in my inbox from an anonymous reader, wondering, how do you let go of a grudge? Read below to see my answer and don’t forget to leave your comments too. How do you let go of a grudge?
Till Next Time,
Sarah
AKA A Busy Lady
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Dear A Busy Lady,
How can I get over something I just can’t get over?
Signed – Holding a Grudge
Dear Holding a Grudge,
All of us one time or another (or several times) have faced challenges, disappointments, hurt, betrayal, etc. As I’ve said before in this Substack, our adversity makes us stronger. Still, it sucks when you are going through it. Even when it’s over, you might reminisce on the terrible memory as a plethora of feelings wash over you all over again. Sometimes, our memories are our biggest opponents.
So, you want to know how to let go? First, I want you to imagine whatever it is you are holding onto. Imagine the memory is a helium balloon. Picture yourself holding that balloon, then picture letting it go. Watch it float up to the sky, perhaps disappearing into the sunset. As it fades from your view, center yourself on how you feel seeing it gone. Do you feel peace? Sometimes just visualizing ourselves letting go helps us understand the peace and contentment we can find on the other side if we’re willing to set free the things that tie us down.
Now that you know how it might feel to let it go, set out to let go for real. So how do you do that?
The key is acceptance. As hard as it is, sometimes you just have to accept things. Think of it like this—this happened, that happened, and now it’s done. What do I have to learn from the experience? How did it shape who I am? Where do I go from here?
The other key is forgiveness. Remember—everyone does the best they can at any given time, taking into consideration their own traumas and where they are in life. This doesn’t mean you are saying it was okay for that person to hurt you and it certainly doesn’t mean you are going to be a doormat and let them walk over you again and again. You are NOT condoning or accepting the behavior. You are simply moving past it.
Forgiveness is about recognition that no human being is perfect, including you. Give someone the grace you would want. It’s helpful to remember that we are also someone else’s opponent. That’s a hard lesson to learn. We think a lot about how people hurt us, but cannot see how the things we do that may hurt others, even when we didn’t mean to.
By forgiving, you are letting go. You empower yourself by breaking the ties that bind you to that resentment, keeping you stuck in place.
When you accept and forgive, you move away from being a victim to a victor. You rise above the situation and the person who did you wrong.
There is no straightforward answer here. Moving on can take some of us years. The best thing I can say is ask yourself, which story of your life to you want to live? The victim or the victor? Empower yourself. Give grace. Accept, forgive, move on, and carry the lesson with you. As Maya Angelou once said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” You can’t make people change and you can’t change the past. But you can learn from it and move forward.
You will never rise to the next level of understanding in this life until you let go of the past.
Here’s to letting go!
Cheers,
Sarah
AKA A Busy Lady
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